The first match

I have been single several years with the exception of a few short lived, failed "relationships". I pretty much just put my focus on work and being a good mom. If my children are reading this please agree and I will transfer the funds today I swear. With that being said I figured I would take you all back to a few years ago when my friend Tiffany thought it would be a good idea for me to join the online dating world and swore that there are good guys still out there. It should be noted that she did find someone through an app and they are still together and have been living happily since their first meetup. Here is my first encounter...

When I finally, after taking several selfies and scrolling through my phone, chose the few pics that I thought made me look the best and of course showed off that I am slim and am not catfishing anyone. Apparently, that is a major thing nowadays and no one looks like their pics in real life. With me, you get what you see. No filters, no only face shots, just me, take it or leave it. I tried to find some witty tag lines and made my profile short and sweet. Like me, kinda. Then I start swiping. A LOT of lefts. Sorry, if I am honest I have to be physically attracted and I noticed right away most of the pics were just memes or cartoons and not even real people. That's a big negative. However, I finally swiped right on a very well built guy, about my age (ok fine he was a few years younger), and he had kids. I'm thinking ok great he has kids he will understand what it is like being a single parent with a busy schedule and right away we have something in common. BAM! It's a Match! I am super excited and think that was easy. We will date a few years, be best friends and one day might even live together or he might even talk me into that dreaded "M" word. 

WRONG!

Immediately he starts asking questions about my life and wants my phone number. I am pretty cautious so I ask to just chat for a bit longer on the app. He agrees and of course I do my detective work to discover his last name. Being in the legal field I have a little access to look up a criminal record and any divorces or civil suits. Now, of course I don't take advantage and do that on the regular to everyone but I could potentially meet this guy and I need to know he isn't going to hack me up or worse, meet my friends and them find out something embarrassing before me. No criminal history...whew!

Let's take a look at his divorce. He filed, ok maybe the wife wasn't the greatest or maybe they just grew apart and it is amicable and her and I will be friends for the kids sake and all will be well. Nope, let's keep reading. Pages of multiple affairs and he apparently gave his wife and the other women multiple STD's. WTF! My phone dings, another message from him. What am I going to do? I am not great with confrontation and now how am I supposed to gently tell him I am not interested and I definitely can't tell him I looked him up because now I sound like the crazy one because I stalked. His question..."what are your thoughts on "M"? I am looking for a wife." Wow, day 2 and already talking about "M". I know women think it but would never mention it. At least this is my escape. I tell him I am not looking for "M" and maybe I lie and say I am looking for the hookup. Not my finest moment but I have to escape this conversation and this was before I figured out what "ghosting" meant. 

Of course, he is good with a hookup! OMG what have I done and how do I get out of it? At least I didn't give him my number. At this point I am kicking myself for even trying this online dating thing, hoping I don't get fired for using my access and panicking because I am destined to be single the rest of my life because I don't want the hookup, don't want the dreaded "M" word but don't have anyone to snuggle with at night or that will laugh at my stupid jokes. At this point Beth, my Australian Shepherd literally jumps on my bed and lays in my lap. I delete the app immediately and know right then that she is all I need. My cuddle bud, she listens and even watches tv with me. 

Until a few days later when I am completely bored and feel that urge to swipe....